Fibro Warrior - If it kills me!

I'm so frustrated with doctors!  I'm 7 months pregnant, but before I even became pregnant I started my case for disability.  I had been on Cymbalta for a year and it wasn't helping me, but then I got fired from my job (I suspect because of several of my Fibro issues) and lost my insurance and couldn't afford Cymbalta anymore and went through several horrifying months of withdrawal that nearly killed me.  I decided then that I didn't want to go on any more of the Fibro approved meds until there was better proof that they work and better research.  Heck, just from reading many of the posts on my support group and blogs I've found through Pinterest it's obvious nothing works or if it does, it doesn't last. I've worked my butt off for 20+ years and of course it kills me to give up my career but my body is telling me enough is enough.  Applying for disability was always the last option but I don't know what type of work I could even do.  Anything physical is so painful and my cognitive issues and fatigue pretty much killed my normal intellect intensive career in sales, marketing, finance, and analytics. And today my primary doctor flat out refused to fill out my forms for my disability lawyer!  She told me Fibromyalgia is no excuse, everyone is tired, we all just have to work anyways.  Are you kidding me???  I know there are so few people or providers who really understand the level of debilitating pain and fatigue is x100 for people with Fibro but it still hurts!  And on top of that, she started to question my pregnancy!!  Was my pregnancy a mistake?  Why would I go and get pregnant when I can't even take care of myself.  Didn't I think about the burdens I would put on others - implying I just wanted to get knocked up and take tax payers money and stay home on disability.  I'VE ALWAYS wanted to be a mom.  I didn't even think this pregnancy was possible so my husband and I are so overjoyed.  This baby is my reason for living and my current source of strength.  So am I an idiot and irresponsible for not aborting our honeymoon souvenir?  NO!   I will suffer and do whatever it takes, and go back to work if I have to do more to help make ends meet, but my point is - why are Fibro patients so discriminated against?  Why can't this illness be treated as a real disability?  It angers me but I guess if you've never experienced it, even if you are a doctor, there is just no way you can understand just how horribly this illness impacts your life.  I still would never wish this illness on my worst enemy, but for all those who don't take us seriously, I just wish you could walk even one single day in our shoes, to feel the daily devastation we go through over the most simplest tasks.  And we still smile and joke and try to appear as normal as possible because we are so tired of the blank looks we get when we try to explain how we really feel.
So what's next for me?  I think I'm done with this provider, and I will try again with the pain management specialist I had seen previously who was more sympathetic about filling out disability forms.  I have to check with my disability lawyers though because I worry that they will need my original primary care physician to fill these out since she had been the one to diagnose me over 2 years ago.  I also want to seek out a solid Rheumatologist and mental health provider, but if they are only starting to treat me now I'm not sure how that would impact my legal case.  All I know is that I'm not ready to give up.  Fibro patients deserve to be taken just as seriously as any other disability case.  In fact, as with me, many of us probably developed Fibro from years of over stress and over work anyways, and have put in plenty of our own tax dollars to help others in need.  It took so much for me to get to this point to be able to accept my disability; so much denial I've had to get over and face the facts.  So fellow Fibro Warriors - know there are more out there like you going through the same thing,  Don't give up hope.  Maybe there will be some providers out there who will hear us and not treat us so callously, but likely they are few and far between.  Seek support groups and do your own research so you don't feel so utterly lost and alone.  MyFibroTeam has been a great resource and support group for me, and they even have an app for your phone.

Gentle hugs to you all!

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