Nothing's Definitive
That was one of the complaints I had in my last job - my manner of speech was not definitive. Instead of saying "I will complete the project by 4pm," I often softened my message to "I would like to complete everything by 4pm." One of the owners of the company would scold me and knit pick at my speech and my character when I spoke like this. I do get it - American business people especially like strong, definitive speech with firm promises. They want to feel that confidence in you that you can deliver specifically what they need. But what's definitive really anyways? Most of the time nobody is able to really keep those promises, so it all becomes a load of bullshit in the end.
I grew up in a house where I was seldom ever given a so-called definitive answer. Yes/No questions were usually met with a "maybe" or "we'll see." I learned to become complacent with seeing how things would turn out, what was meant to be or not. In this way I don't have any memories of broken promises or being let down by my family. I could appreciate end results as consequences to certain actions. Don't get me wrong - constant ambivalence would be insane; I just think not my family alone but Hawaiians in general embrace that philosophy of "you nevah kno.'"
I think this philosophy is going to be key to my survival for now. I need to loosen my grip a bit and see what plays out. Instead of panic induced job searches in the middle of the night, I'm going to focus more on my health and getting ready for my marriage. Stephen and I are very blessed to have good people in our lives, so things are already falling into place. Even now, my mom reminds me "if it's meant to be, it'll happen" in reference to my work situation, and making the trip to San Diego to come to my wedding is still a "we'll see" (though she's shopping for something to wear.) Yeah... we really don't know anything, so no point in making ourselves sick by trying to force fate or control everything.
At least for now, Stephen is moved in, 1 of our condos is listed, and I have a project I'm working on for a friend. I can breathe easier not being alone; our team work has really been rockin it lately. Don't know what the future holds but it looks pretty bright to me.
I grew up in a house where I was seldom ever given a so-called definitive answer. Yes/No questions were usually met with a "maybe" or "we'll see." I learned to become complacent with seeing how things would turn out, what was meant to be or not. In this way I don't have any memories of broken promises or being let down by my family. I could appreciate end results as consequences to certain actions. Don't get me wrong - constant ambivalence would be insane; I just think not my family alone but Hawaiians in general embrace that philosophy of "you nevah kno.'"
I think this philosophy is going to be key to my survival for now. I need to loosen my grip a bit and see what plays out. Instead of panic induced job searches in the middle of the night, I'm going to focus more on my health and getting ready for my marriage. Stephen and I are very blessed to have good people in our lives, so things are already falling into place. Even now, my mom reminds me "if it's meant to be, it'll happen" in reference to my work situation, and making the trip to San Diego to come to my wedding is still a "we'll see" (though she's shopping for something to wear.) Yeah... we really don't know anything, so no point in making ourselves sick by trying to force fate or control everything.
At least for now, Stephen is moved in, 1 of our condos is listed, and I have a project I'm working on for a friend. I can breathe easier not being alone; our team work has really been rockin it lately. Don't know what the future holds but it looks pretty bright to me.
 |
| I got a |
Comments
Post a Comment